Attitude is everything

I have a belief system that a happy daily life requires a great attitude. I have thought this over the last few years and it has helped me to deal with the "stuff" that life has a tendency to throw at you, just to test you. That is why you will find on my blog mainly the things which enrich my life and make me happy- not because my life is perfect (because it isn't) and not because I am trying to pretend that it is either but just because these are the things I like to focus my life on. As humans we have a tendency to focus on the negative in our lives and not to let go of the past, I believe this can bog us down in the present and cause us to be unhappy.

This faith and belief system that everything happens to us for a reason has been tested to it's absolute limits for me over the past 18 weeks of my life. I wake up ever morning hoping it will be different, hoping that on this day I will feel great and I will not have to pretend to be happy and well. And almost every morning is the same- I feel sick from about 10 minutes after I wake up- that's about 6am until I go to bed at about 11pm- that's 17 hours of feeling like I am going to die.

But through it I try to decide to be happy every day. Why? Well because it is not all about me anymore, I have Flynn now and he deserves better, he deserves a mummy who is able to get up and make breakfast and do activities and be the best mother possible under the circumstances. This is not to say he doesn't see me meltdown- he does only the other day I sat down in the middle of the nursery and just cried and cried- because I was tired and frustrated and exhausted and wanted so badly to feel better.

This was taken a little while ago and although I was not aware it was being taken I am glad it was as this is real life, this is me at the moment and this is part of my daily struggle- having a sick moment. I was so grateful to have a break from the sickness over Christmas/boxing day but now it is back with a vengeance.